advice on selling my soul?

I have been sitting here staring at a blank screen for an hour now, watching the stupid cursor blink on and off, and on and off.

I fought my urge to write a blog entry, because I know i should be writing the essay instead... well screw it. i like you guys better anyways. =]

this is me being stubborn.

I always hated the first day in elementary schools. Do you know why? because you had to write those freaking "hopes and dreams" notes and fill in forms for your teacher that describes you so your teacher would know you in under five words... Who ever tells the truth on those anyways?

One of the essays for the application for the internship is to write about "what personality traits, attitudes, communication style, and work ethic will you bring to the internship?"

I hate these prompts. Does anyone else feel self-centered describing all the seemingly "good qualities" about yourself? and worse yet, what if you don't live up to what you say? What if i think I have a quality, when I really only wish I did?

Wow, that's alot of self doubt. ha. okay i'm done with the self pity rantings but..

Can someone really get to know you through the definition of yourself?

I guess that's where separate recommendations come in...

I feel like i'm selling my soul.

any advice on how to do it well? =]

check out "Back to Where I Was" by Eric Hutchinson

refreshing voice and an acoustic guitar =happiness

"I resolve to regain my voice"

shameless advertising, inspirations, and late resolutions

Inspiration. That's what today has been all about for me.

It started by waking up to "What's So Funny 'bout Peace Love and Understanding" by Elvis Costello on my alarm clock (which will most likely be Nicole's blog song recommendation for the day) That song always inspires me. It "found" me after the Virginia Tech shootings, which I think was the same moment I really fell in love with Elvis Costello. Although the beat and melodies may not match the situation, the lyrics fit perfectly, and it gave me inspiration on that day just by allowing me to relate to something. At the time I just felt so confused, and that song, and Elvis, let me know, as usual, that I'm not alone in that feeling.

Gotta love some cheesy music loving =]

continuing on my cheesy run.. (ha. that made me giggle) and continuing on my day, I read the new blog update on SoGoPro (you know you wanna visit) by Miss Hilarie Burton... which just reinvigorated my love for the arts. It was perfect timing for that post, which was written beautifully, might I add...

and I just read Megan Mary's blog (shameless advertising number two) who I found through SoGoPro connections. Her blog was inspired by Hilarie's blog, and now it inspired me, and everything it just coming round full circle today! Definitely check it out =]

So... today I dug up my resolutions list. For the past five years I have written down all my resolutions on this one sheet of paper. No one knows about it except me, and I guess now the millions of people on the internet (i guess THATS not a secret anymore...)

It's not really a new years resolution type thing, because I write them down whenever, but I only really look at it about twice a year, on the days where I am feeling inspired, because I guess thats when I am most likely to write down what I truly want.

I was able to cross off two things that I have accomplished by now.. and no i am not going to divulge all my personal hopes and dreams to you strange people on the internet.. such as my resolution to single-handedly save each child from poverty, create world peace, and create the first all-girl rock band on the moon.....

ha. just kidding. except about the third one... =P

I was thinking of my new ones, while looking at my old ones, all at the same time as thinking about all the inspiring things I have read today, and I finally wrote down "to get the NYC internship and really TRY at it."

So, the story with this internship is: I have wanted to do it for two summers now, and last summer, I was going to apply, but i never sent in the application because I was being a baby and got intimidated by the whole thing. and i have regretted it ever since.

The thing is, i KNOW i would be good at it, and i KNOW i would love it, but for some reason i can't bring myself to really believe it... I would be interning on film sets through this one company that places interns (If i got it), so I'm just worried I don't have enough experience. I mean, I have been around tv production all my life with all the classes I have taken but I've never been part of a, like, real deal project before, if you know what i mean.

But thats enough self-doubt for the day, because after reading everyone else's dreams, its about time for me to accomplish mine.

I just printed out the application. wish me luck.

and as promised, check out "(What's So Funny 'bout) Peace, Love, and Understanding" by Elvis Costello... and pay more attention to the lyrics, than the melody. trust me =]

Universe of Constants

Before I entertain you with my brilliant storytelling of the night that actually has something to do with the title of this post, I have a different random story to rant about. 

Facebook. El libro de cara. I have my ups and downs with this site. Some days I will guiltily be glued to it, and other days i sware to be too "above" it and could care less.. (Always a lie, by the way. Even though most of my time on Facebook is spent trying to figure out what the hell 'poking' is... If anyone wants to tell me the point of it, please do!) Anyways, so as most of the people with Facebook probably know, its normal to friend request people you know, or even just kind of know, but most of the time you friend request those who go to the same school as you, live in the same area, share the same friends, etc. I'm not really fond of friend requesting people in the first place. I guess I would rather have people request me. (Does that make me a facebook snob??) 

Well, today, I became a fan of the Southern Gothic Productions group. And since alot of the people who are also part of the group comment on their blog (check out their blog to show support! =] ) I was going through the list of fans and friend requesting them, because I am assuming most would understand and know me from the blog. Well, I obviously was not paying attention, and by the end of the list I went back to look it over, and I noticed two guys with the last name Burton... and i'm thinking it might be the brothers of Hilarie Burton, a.k.a the co-creator of SoGoPro... and I feel like a complete idiot, because, since they wouldn't know me from the blog, they will probably think i'm alot sketchier than I am.. I mean i'm weird, but not in that way ;]

So, if anyone wants to share their embarrassing friend request stories, please share so I can make myself feel better. Or maybe I am just reading too much into friend requesting... Would poking be more appropriate?

Alright, I will get back on the title topic just to stop the confusion...

Things change in life all the time, right? I mean events change, people change, decisions take us in different directions... but it feels really good when you can depend on things. But i mean really depend on things.

And it doesn't have to be something big to rely on. For example, as corny as it might sound, there is this one star that shines right in the center of my window every night, and no matter what, it is there. The days where all I want to do is go to sleep, so i throw myself on the bed, regrets from a bad day racing through my head, and I look over, and the star is in the same exact place I left it. It kinda keeps me sane, you know? Like it reminds me that the world isn't changing as fast as it may seem.

I guess, music is another main constant in my life. I rely on my CD collection to get me through anything and everything, because I know that no matter what, those songs will always be there, and those artists will never fail to save me with their music. (See, thats the good thing about trusty CDs. All you music industry ruiners who download illegal music can just lose all your music in the blink of a computer screen. so HA. that'll teach you...)

So, think about it, and try to think of all the constants in your life. It could be bigger things like family, supportive friends, a job, or the smaller things, like my twinkling star (go ahead, allow yourself to sing the song), and maybe take some time to be grateful for them. You never know when things will change.

Sermon over. =]

Going old school today: listen to "I'll Be Seeing You" by Billie Holiday... because I refused to post a romantic song yesterday...

Hey Cupid? Slowly hand over the arrow.

So, I'm guessing I should say HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
And I am also guessing that I can't lie, and pretend that i'm not the girl who is sitting alone on her couch at 9:00 on Valentine's Day...
but don't feel bad for me, folks, because I am not alone.
I've got a dvd copy of Blood Diamond (perfect Valentine's Day movie right?), some good old Hershey nuggets, and my trusty blog to keep me company.
Now, although I would love to stay OFF the topic of love, my thoughts keep returning there... and I promise this next story will lead there eventually..

If I could choose any animal to be, I think I would be a raccoon. (That is only if I couldn't be a cheetah. For those who don't know me.. yet... I think cheetahs are officially the coolest creatures on the planet. hands down.)
So you are probably thinking, "wow, this chick is weird. One second she's talking about world events, the next ranting about love, and now raccoons?" But don't be alarmed my friends because it all ties together.
I mean, besides the whole rabies issue they have going on, raccoons are pretty cool, right? alright, maybe not.
MAYBE this raccoon love is stemming more from the fact that I am in the presence of raccoons right now. It's late at night, and from my couch, I can see two raccoons bathing in the canal outside my window.
I guess the best thing about being a raccoon would be the fact that they pretty much live during the night. Now, I may be biased, because I am definitely not a day person, but I would probably give anything to only be awake during the night. It is so peaceful, and mysterious... a.k.a the perfect words to describe me...
HA. just kidding. I don't think a blog allows me to describe myself as mysterious.
Anyways, I don't know if this is like, regular raccoon behavior, but these two raccoons have been bathing each other for about 10 minutes, and now they have taken up residence in the small amount of light that is escaping from window and has formed a small box on the grass. They are just laying there, bodies intertwined, noses pushed up against each other, staring each other in the eyes.
Number 1, since when do raccoons like the light? and number 2, how come even the animals seem to know its valentine's day?
that's just weird.
glad to know someone is sure of their love that they are willing to throw a spotlight on it...

so apparently my habit is to end each post with a new song...

for all those super COOL people out there who are also chilling on their couch tonight...
"Psychotic Girl" by the Black Keys..... feel the attitude, cause it's spilling out of the song.

What's the point of news?

okay, so I am going to attempt to write this post without sounding selfish, because that is not the point I am trying to make, nor how I feel. This is merely an examination of a question.

Recently, a teacher presented us with the question: Why is it important to update yourself on world news? and Is is important to know the location of all countries?

As soon as the question "Do you personally think it is important?"came out of the teachers mouth, hands of almost every student in the room shot up in the air. We have been taught since we were born that the news was important, so why question it now?

Not the least bit surprised by the amount of hands in the air, the teacher nodded and called on one eager looking girl.

"It is very important for us to know" she answered proudly.

The teacher paused, and followed up with "Besides the fact that none of us would admit to being selfish, why is it important?" That left the girl speechless.

Why is it important?

Growing up, I have always followed the news. Being a film geek, I have watched many documentaries and indie films and big screen dramas highlighting the many issues going on around the world today. When I was younger, I dreamed of being a journalist of world news. And there I was, not having the answer to a seemingly simple question.

I understand the need to know if you are planning to go out and change the world. If you are planning to have an effect on a situation, it might be helpful to know just a tad bit of information on it. But most people do not see themselves traveling to different continents, single handedly saving men and women and children from the dangers of the world... yet they still read newspapers and stay updated.

Is it to make polite dinner conversations? So a husband can say to his wife "Say, Honey, did you hear about that group that is terrorizing Southern Sudan, ravaging the country, killing innocent civilians?" and his wife can reply, "No, thats just terrible." and they can go on eating their store bought meat loaf, sipping red wine.

Is it so we can constantly reassure ourselves that our lives are better? "Well, I'm having a sucky day. Maybe i will just read up on some unwanted children in China, and I will feel so much better about my parents who love me but I don't talk to because they won't pay my bills."

I know there is a reason out there. There has to be, right?

If you have any idea. I would love to know.

Maybe this blog will eventually lead me to an answer...